Living Oneness
Carrying body and soul
and embracing the one,
can you avoid separation?Can you let your body
become as supple as a newborn child’s?
In the opening and shutting of heaven’s gate,
can you play the feminine part?Can you love your people
and govern your domain
without self-importance?Giving birth and nourishing;
having, yet not possessing;
working, yet not taking credit;
leading without controlling or dominating.One who heeds this power
brings the Tao to this very earth.
This is the primal virtue.~ Wayne Dyer version
The past few days I have been reflecting a lot on this verse, and its focus on us all being one, rather than viewing life from duality.
I actually wrote a “thing” 3 years ago that I’m going to share with you. I say “thing” because I didn’t write it as a poem or prose. It was almost written as a declaration of my truth. It was never something I planned to share publicly but I have decided to do so.
But before I do that, I’ll share my other reflections and experiences of living the 10th verse of the Tao Te Ching.
Gentleness
This whole verse seems to be suggesting approaching life with a gentle, soft allowing, rather than forcing things to go or be a certain way. And allowing people to be who they are without our interference or judgement.
I’ve never been too great at just allowing, but over recent years I have been learning to curb by natural Type A “bull-at-a-gate” tendencies and to move slower, pause before speaking, and generally do things in a calmer, more gentle way.
I have learned a lot of this from my friendship with a beautiful lady in my life.
She is, on paper, and probably at first glance too, completely opposite to me.
She has a more introverted, Type B personality than myself, and is a quiet, gentle person who goes about life in a much more peaceful way than I do. Some of this is just on first appearances, but much of it seems to just be her nature.
We are also incredibly alike in so many ways, which is what has led us to become the type of friends who share everything and who support each other in every way possible.
I don’t think I’ve ever had such a deep friendship, and part of that has come about due to having to navigate our different ways of approaching life, and really getting into the world of the other person.
In conversations we’ve had over time, I’ve been enlightened to how naturally-introverted people experience the world and view the world. Coming from my fairly extroverted, expressive viewpoint, I’ve often been completely flabbergasted to find she heard something I have said in a completely different way to how I had intended.
At times I have found she sees things in a way that I once would have dismissed as “weird” or just wrong (in my humble opinion!), but when I really dig into the background of what a certain phrase means for her or why a certain thing has upset her, I suddenly really get where she is coming from.
And in those moments I am humbled.
For most of my life I’ve lived as if the way I think and the people I surround myself with is “right” and “normal”. This is largely because the people I’ve been surrounded by have had very similar personalities and/or upbringings to me.
But by taking the time to really get to know my friend’s perspective on things, despite it sometimes being very different to the way I may be seeing something, it has led to me having a whole new compassion and understanding of her and other people like her.
And a whole new respect!
To realise that things in life that enliven and stimulate me, or just have no effect on me at all, can actually be a catalyst for a fear response in more sensitive, introverted people has given me a whole new admiration for people who are shy and introverted.
And even though most of our friendship is phone-based, as we live some distance from each other, just a few hours in my friend’s presence has me feeling calmer and more peaceful.
This might sound funny, but watching her prepare a cup of tea is one of the most beautiful, calming things to watch.
As she gently moves around the kitchen boiling the kettle, preparing the teapot (complete with gorgeous tea cosy), and then pouring the water in to steep, I find the stress in my body drain away.
It’s like watching a graceful animal in its natural surroundings.
There’s no rushing, there’s no banging the cups on the table, there’s just complete mindfulness to the task, infused with love and nurturing.
As I think of my friend (who, incidentally, will be wondering how I can write such things about her because this is just who she is, it’s “nothing special” in her eyes), I realise that she epitomises the whole of the 10th verse of the Tao.
Despite her apparent quiet, shy and introverted nature, she is a leader of many people in a very high corporate position.
She is the epitome of someone who “Can love (her) people and govern (her) domain without self-importance”.
And in her ‘spare’ time she teaches and practices yoga, learning to “let (her) body become as supple as a newborn child’s?”.
This lady’s presence in my life has seen me take on some of her gentleness, I believe.
Since knowing her, I stop to watch birds and insects in the garden more often, I move more mindfully around my home (or I’m learning to!), and I feel so much more centred and grounded for all that I have learned from her and our many, many phone conversations.
Not surprisingly, she was the person who introduced me to the Tao in the form of Wayne Dyer’s audiobook Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao.
And again, not surprisingly, she didn’t say “you just have to get this book!”.
She just shared the bits and pieces she was getting from it, and I started to hear the changes in her voice and attitude, to the point where I decided I just had to get the book. Ditto Anita Moorjani’s book Dying To Be Me and many other books in my Audible collection.
In her quiet, non-pushy, gentle way, my dear friend has had a more profound influence on me than any extroverted, loud, charismatic guru.
Wow! I had no intention of writing all that when I sat down to write this blog. Sometimes the Tao just has other plans for me. I sometimes think I understand what people mean when they talk about automatic writing!! 🙂
Practising Non-Judgement
“Embrace oneself by seeing yourself in everyone you encounter” ~ Wayne Dyer, Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao.
I’ve been practising this lately.
I practised it with my daughter. Instead of getting frustrated with her busy mind that jumps from one ‘fascinating’ task to another, I saw myself in her – it wasn’t hard because I’m exactly like that, just a bit older and more able to control it – and I chose to work with her to harness that energy, rather than try to tame it.
It made for a much more peaceful, and surprisingly productive, Sunday.
Another instance where I got to practice was in a group situation where a person was annoying me.
I was able to sit back, notice my reaction, and just look at what was annoying me, rather than letting that annoyance take me over. I practised seeing myself in the person and although it may not mean I seek this person out for regular company, I was able to just see her as someone who was doing their best in the moment.
At one stage a few years ago I was doing a lot of personal development courses at Landmark Education (now Landmark Worldwide).
After every break you were encouraged to sit next to a different person, so I would deliberately sit next to people who annoyed me or intimidated me.
At different stages of the courses, we would pair share, which meant we would discuss with the person next to us what we were getting out of that section of the course or what it brought up for us.
Inevitably I was forced to really get into the other person’s world, and pretty soon I saw that they were really not so different to me. They were trying to figure themselves out and how they fitted into the world, just like I was.
They may have had a different way of doing it, but by getting to know them and their story, I could pretty quickly see where their need to be wanted, liked, etc came from. And how it pretty much reflected me, just with a different slant.
And then I was filled with compassion and admiration for the person and the struggles they were facing, and was able to let go of the annoyance.
The people who intimidated me just put a mirror up to my own insecurities, and pretty soon after talking to them in-depth I saw they had just as many insecurities, and we were all just trying to deal with our stuff and be better people.
Often it just takes the patience to get into someone else’s world and view it from their perspective to be able to see them as just another you.
So, earlier I said I’d share a piece of writing I wrote almost exactly 3 years ago.
I can’t remember exactly what made me start writing this late at night. I just had a sudden need to write it, and this is what came out. It is not edited. It is exactly as I wrote it, although I’m going to experiment with writing it both down the page in poem form as well as in one block.
I wrote it coming from the notion that there’s a little bit of everything in all of us, and for me to judge anyone else for being ‘bad’ in some way is, in a way, me judging myself and the shame I feel over the possibility that any of these ‘bad’ characteristics or labels could exist in me.
But it all depends on perspective and interpretation. Read on and let me know what you think … or not.
It’s quite confronting putting this out there, but it just felt like the right time.
We Are One – by Louise Bibby – 15.4.13
I am everything. I am nothing. I am all of them and I am none of them. I am the persecutor and the persecuted. I am the bigot and I am the victim. I am white. I am black. I am gay. I am straight. I am female. I am male. I am beautiful. I am ugly. I am the judge. I am the judged. I am the warmonger. I am the pacifist. I am the fascist. I am the communist. I am the Buddhist. I am Jesus. I am Judas. I am the betrayer. I am the betrayed. I am the good girl. I am the bad girl. I am the racist. I am the sexist. I am the hater. I am the lover. I am Hitler. I am Mother Teresa. I am the murderer. I am the saint. I am the orphan. I am the drug baron. I am the rapist. I am the social worker. I am alone. I am a partner. I am community. I am anger. I am laughter. I am everything I fear. I am everything I revere. I am you. I am me. I am fear. I am love. I am hatred. I am love. I am the soldier. I am the hunter. I am the hunted. I am beauty. I am disgusting. I am perfect. I am imperfect. I am wrong. I am right. I am solid. I am air. I am rich. I am poor. I am healthy. I am sick. I am living. I am dying. I am peaceful. I am outraged. I am sexy. I am innocent. I am strong. I am vulnerable. I am scared. I am courageous. I am a fighter. I am a peace activist. I am despair. I am joy. I am everybody. I am everything. I am nobody. I am nothing. I am me. I am perfect. I am whole. I am complete. I am who I say I am. You are who I say you are. You are perfect. You are whole. You are complete. You are me. I am you. We are the world. The world is us. We are one. And so it is.
To break it up before the poem version – same words, different layout – I found this on the net the other night and it seemed such a perfect image to go with this post.
We Are One (poem version)
I am everything.
I am nothing.
I am all of them
and I am none of them.
I am the persecutor
and the persecuted.
I am the bigot
and I am the victim.
I am white.
I am black.
I am gay.
I am straight.
I am female.
I am male.
I am beautiful.
I am ugly.
I am the judge.
I am the judged.
I am the warmonger.
I am the pacifist.
I am the fascist.
I am the communist.
I am the Buddhist.
I am Jesus.
I am Judas.
I am the betrayer.
I am the betrayed.
I am the good girl.
I am the bad girl.
I am the racist.
I am the sexist.
I am the hater.
I am the lover.
I am Hitler.
I am Mother Teresa.
I am the murderer.
I am the saint.
I am the orphan.
I am the drug baron.
I am the rapist.
I am the social worker.
I am alone.
I am a partner.
I am community.
I am anger.
I am laughter.
I am everything I fear.
I am everything I revere.
I am you.
I am me.
I am fear.
I am love.
I am hatred.
I am love.
I am the soldier.
I am the hunter.
I am the hunted.
I am beauty.
I am disgusting.
I am perfect.
I am imperfect.
I am wrong.
I am right.
I am solid.
I am air.
I am rich.
I am poor.
I am healthy.
I am sick.
I am living.
I am dying.
I am peaceful.
I am outraged.
I am sexy.
I am innocent.
I am strong.
I am vulnerable.
I am scared.
I am courageous.
I am a fighter.
I am a peace activist.
I am despair.
I am joy.
I am everybody.
I am everything.
I am nobody.
I am nothing.
I am me.
I am perfect.
I am whole.
I am complete.
I am who I say I am.
You are who I say you are.
You are perfect.
You are whole.
You are complete.
You are me.
I am you.
We are the world.
The world is us.
We are one.
And so it is.~ Louise